Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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