38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
pray to the hookup gods
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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