just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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