Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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