anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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