U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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