I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
