i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
