i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
