dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize