you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
