so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
