It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize