I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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