she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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