I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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