i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
