i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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