he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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