True but thats because hes a fetus.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
