My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
