is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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