I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
