i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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