The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
