So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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