the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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