yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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