When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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