Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
