big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So squirting runs in the family.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
