omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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