I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
