Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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