I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
