cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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