is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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