is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
