Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
