I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
