put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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