Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
