You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
