But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
