Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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