my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
