Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
