sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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