I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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