You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
