Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
