My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
