And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
