we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
