it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
