i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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