Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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