You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
