Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
