Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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