dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
