Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
