New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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