hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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