On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
