I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
