my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Enjoy the penises
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize