planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
