He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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