i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
