I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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