Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
