As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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