Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
