im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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