The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
