i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
