My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
