3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well you can't waste a boner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
