I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize