I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
