Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
