I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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